at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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