Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
