I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
