If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
