we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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