New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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