Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
