bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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