and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
