If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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