i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
