so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
