yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
