Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
