I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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