dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
