Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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