two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
