I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize