During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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