just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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