I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
