his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
