I wish my penis had an off switch
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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