Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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