The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
