help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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