do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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