Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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