you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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