R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
