There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I stole a fireplace last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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