I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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