Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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