Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My friends, they love my intelligence
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
