the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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