Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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