pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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