He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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