We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
