I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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