My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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