I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
