My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
