quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
