she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
