youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
