i just wanna soil my oats bro
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
