She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
