I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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