How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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