u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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