I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
