If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
