3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
