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Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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