I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!