i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs