Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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