I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
