The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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