tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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