Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
