he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
