I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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