I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
