im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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