Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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