Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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