The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
