I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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