My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
