I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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