He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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