While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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