everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
