If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
